How to Overcome Anger as a Christian | Ep. 94
Season 5, Episode 3 Show Notes of The Raised & Redeemed Podcast
Have you ever felt your blood boil over something someone said or did—and then watched yourself unleash words you couldn't take back? Anger is like a fire: it can flare up in an instant, but leave behind damage that takes years to repair. What's worse, it often disguises itself as strength, when in reality, it's a sign of wounded pride and a lack of inner peace.
The desert fathers didn't see anger as merely a personality trait or harmless reaction. They understood it as a spiritual passion—one that, if left unchecked, could choke out the love of God and tear apart communities, families, and souls.
But here's the good news: anger can be healed. In this episode, we uncover how the virtues of patience, meekness, and humility not only quench the flames of anger, but transform our hearts from battlegrounds into places of peace.
The Heart-Tongue Connection
This season, we're walking through Thirty Steps to Heaven by Fr. Vassilios Papavassiliou—a practical guide to spiritual warfare and growth, based on The Ladder of Divine Ascent by St. John Climacus.
Today we're exploring Steps 8-12, the first major passions that take root in the heart and poison our relationships: anger, remembrance of wrongs, slander, talkativeness, and falsehood. These all share one thing in common: they flow from pride and manifest through the tongue.
Scripture tells us the tongue holds the power of life or death (Proverbs 18:21), but it goes deeper than what we say. It's about the purity of our hearts—for out of them, our mouths speak (Luke 6:45).
The goal isn't to suppress our emotions, but to transform them: turning anger into meekness, spite into spiritual warfare against demons instead of our neighbors, and slander, talkativeness, and falsehood into silence and humility.
Step 8: Meekness & The Loss of Anger
In Orthodox Christianity, anger is understood as a natural energy of the soul given by God to help us war against sin and the devil. But when misdirected, it becomes a passion leading to spiritual destruction.
The Church Fathers distinguish between:
Righteous anger (like Christ's anger at the moneychangers) directed at sin and injustice
Sinful anger flowing from ego, pride, and lack of love, manifesting as rage, resentment, slander, and hate
As St. John Climacus writes: "Anger is an indication of a soul sick with pride."
Three Steps to Freedom from Anger
St. John gives us a progressive path:
1. Keep the lips silent when the heart is stirred Don't lash out—restrain your tongue. If we can keep our mouths shut when upset, we prevent anger from dominating our speech and causing irreversible harm. However, St. John warns it's better to lose one's temper than harbor it inside, describing bottled-up anger as bitter poison that lingers until it destroys us.
2. Quiet the thoughts, even when wronged Don't dwell on the offense or justify bitterness. As St. Paul writes: "Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your wrath" (Ephesians 4:26).
3. Remain calm when provoked, even in the storm This is true meekness: power under control. "He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty" (Proverbs 16:32). Our ultimate example is Christ, who endured abuse and crucifixion in humility and love.
Personal Reflection
When I was young, anger definitely consumed me. I used to get in physical fights with other girls, internalizing my father's motto: "You will respect me or fear me." I got better at managing anger as I matured, but that was surface-level management.
Real transformation came through healing and growing in faith. Now living with my husband's big family serves as my next boot camp for growing in patience, humility, and continuous forgiveness.
Practical strategies when tension runs high:
Quiet singing to shake heaviness from my heart
Remembering I too am far from perfect
Remembering they too are children of God
Seeing situations as opportunities for family growth
Praying for God to soften my heart
Keeping my tongue as quiet as possible
Step 9: Remembrance of Wrongs & Malice
This is the habit of replaying past hurts, feeding wounds, and justifying resentment. St. John calls it "the keeper of sins," and Scripture reminds us: "If you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins" (Matthew 6:15).
Instead of turning anger on others, we're called to redirect it against demons—our true enemies. As Saint John says: "Let your malice and your spite be turned against the devils. We are to redirect our anger against sin and evil, above all against our own sins and spiritual failings."
Personal Reflection
Recognizing the demons behind fights with my husband became an easy coping mechanism—it wasn't him, wasn't me, wasn't us, but the enemy striving for division. Outside marriage? Much harder to keep in mind. But I've learned: my peace is too precious to sacrifice on the altar of resentment.
Remedies
Practice forgiveness by remembering we too were forgiven much
Pray The Jesus Prayer to soften and humble our hearts
Meditate on Christ's mercy for each of us as sinners
Remember Psalm 130:3: "If you, Lord, kept a record of sins, Lord, who could stand?"
When all else fails, Saint John recommends apologizing to your enemy—even with empty words whose insincerity may shame you into sincere love
Step 10: Slander
When anger festers, it often erupts as slander—malicious speech aimed at damaging another's reputation. Even if it's true, if spoken without love or necessity, it's sin.
We often disguise gossip as "concern" or "truth-telling," but it corrupts both speaker and subject. St. John Chrysostom says: "He who speaks evil of another, even if he speaks the truth, is a slanderer."
Why It's So Serious
Tears apart communities, families, and friendships
Breeds pride in the speaker and shame in the subject
Distorts the image of God in our neighbor
Personal Reflection
As someone who is "just a girl," I always ask myself: Am I telling this story because it's helpful, or to soothe my damaged ego? This is especially hard when someone has truly wronged us, but more often than not, it's best to keep quiet. I'm almost always visited by shame after talking about someone, even if they wronged me. But the one person we'll never regret venting to... is God.
Remedies
Practice silence and discretion
Examine our own sins first
Pray for those we're tempted to judge
Speak only what is helpful and loving
Step 11: Talkativeness & Silence
In Orthodox Christianity, talkativeness is seen as spiritual illness—a disordered compulsion to speak excessively without purpose or discernment. It's undisciplined overflow of speech that distracts from prayer, fosters pride, and leads to spiritual carelessness.
St. John Climacus warns: "Talkativeness is a sign of ignorance... and a hindrance to prayer." He contrasts this with silence: "A talkative person is seldom guided by the Holy Spirit, whereas a person of silence draws near to God."
Why It's Dangerous
Distracts us from God: The more we speak, the less we listen; the more we hear our own voice, the more we drown out our conscience
Leads to idle words: Which Christ says we'll account for on judgment day (Matthew 12:36)
Increases pride by constantly centering the self
Fuels other sins like judgment, falsehood, and boasting
Personal Reflection
The older I get, the quieter I strive to be. The more I watch my words, the less I regret and feel insecure about later.
Remedies
Silence: Not just absence of speech, but presence of inner stillness
Discipline: Lack of discipline in mind, body, and soul fuels talkativeness
Listen more than speak in humility and attentiveness
Guard the heart through watchfulness
Step 12: Falsehood
Step 12 addresses falsehood—more than just lying, it's cooperation with the devil, the "father of lies" (John 8:44). Christ is Truth, and living truthfully means living in Him.
St. John Climacus writes: "The liar is a man of two souls, a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways."
Why It's Dangerous
Ruins trust
Sows division
Hardens the heart
Types of Falsehood
Intentional lies to seem knowledgeable and feed pride
Protective lies for self and family (God alone judges these)
Malicious lies with harmful intent
Accidental lies through ignorance
Falsehood follows talkativeness because excessive talking, especially about theology, can lead to speaking lies unintentionally.
Personal Reflection
This is another reason I've grown quieter since becoming Orthodox. Learning true Scripture interpretation made me realize how many heresies I spoke without meaning to. Each episode now requires extensive research and prayer, knowing I'll be held accountable for each word (Matthew 12:36).
Remedies
Honest confession and self-examination
Cultivate humility to admit failures instead of covering with lies
Speak truth in love (Ephesians 4:15)
Live with integrity—let your yes be yes, your no be no (Matthew 5:37)
Unite yourself to Christ, the Way, Truth, and Life
Practical Application: Daily Practices for Steps 8-12
Step 8 – Meekness
When provoked, pause and pray: "Lord, give me a gentle spirit"
Practice letting go of the need to be right—win peace, not points
Step 9 – Remembrance of Wrongs
Ask yourself: "Who do I still quietly resent?" Bring them to prayer by name
Journal or confess old wounds before they ferment into bitterness
Step 10 – Slander
Speak nothing about someone you wouldn't say in their presence
If caught gossiping, stop mid-sentence: "Forgive me, that was unkind"
Step 11 – Talkativeness and Silence
Choose moments of intentional silence daily—no music, chatter, or noise
Listen more than you speak; ask questions instead of telling stories
Step 12 – Falsehood
Examine your speech for exaggeration, half-truths, or flattery
Practice speaking plainly and honestly, even in small matters
Final Encouragement
We've explored how deeply the passions of anger, remembrance of wrongs, slander, talkativeness, and falsehood can entangle the soul and separate us from God. But through grace, humility, and inner watchfulness:
Anger can become meekness
Resentment can become forgiveness
Slander can become mercy
Talkativeness can become holy silence
Falsehood can become truthfulness in Christ
The more we restrain our tongues, calm our hearts, and guard our thoughts, the more room we make for the Holy Spirit to dwell within us. We don't overcome these passions by sheer willpower—but by repentance, grace, and love.
This week, don't just try to "speak better." Ask the Lord to purify your heart, so your words will follow. Let every sentence become a chance to bless, not curse—to bring light, not shadow.
Coming Up Next
Episode 4: Next week: We'll continue the climb as we face the soul-numbing weight of despondency—also called acedia or spiritual sloth—and discover how to reignite holy zeal when your heart has grown numb.
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💬 Join the conversation:
Which of these five passions (anger, remembrance of wrongs, slander, talkativeness, falsehood) do you struggle with most?
How has unchecked anger affected your relationships?
What would change in your daily interactions if you truly guarded your tongue?
When do you find yourself talking to fill silence rather than communicate meaningfully?
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